"Seriously God i need to know i need to hear from you, i don't understand how being a missionary for you works, i am a year an a half in and i am so unsure that how every day i trust in you for my everything, for laundry powder, for money for gas to do ministry and all things like this, for when my computer breaks and i don't know what to do when i don't work and i don't make my own money. Am i being irresponsible or is this really possible is this really real that i can do this that i can really trust you for all these things and that you provide that you will give me everything that is needed. Can you keep giving me the strength to lay down my rights my wants and my dreams to pick up yours?
God, should i just come home and work and provide for myself, be there in England with my family that i miss so much everyday and love them for everything that they are."
This is the reality that i have been questioning in my mind for the last few weeks but you know what one night i got my answer…..
God broke in and spoke so much to me, i felt settled in my heart that i was in the right place that this is what he made me for that this is the walk that he has called me to right now and he is taking me on a deeper journey of trusting and having faith in him and in him alone and not in other things around me.
That he said "I have made you to love across borders, I have made you to see past divides in society, I have made you adaptable to all cultures that you feel at home in all countries and this is how he has created me, this is how I call you to be I ask you to love the people that are forgotten, to love the kids that have no value or identity, that don't have any safety or boundaries that are being sold that are being prostituted and to bring love to them that is pure that is real and that is ever lasting, wow God ok really this is hard this is not easy and I need you God to do this in me, I need you to guide me everyday…."
So with this being said he has given me a deep peace and grace to take each day as it comes to live on the edge with him everyday, to be learning to become more like God daily and to life content wherever I am in the world and to be available to love serve………
Bless you dear Paula. If you didn't have these questions and doubts, you wouldn't be human. This is the reality of serving the almighty, but unseen God. It's about FAITH, which doesn't just come when we want it to, like a genie out of the bottle. Faith is like a muscle, it has to be worked to get stronger and bigger. What has and is happening to you, is that you faith is being tested, its being worked. And as you hold on and keep trusting, your faith will grow from the mustard seed to the enormous tree that can come from the smallest of seeds. Bless you Paula, keep believing, keep trusting, keep asking and most importantly listening for the answers. All our love Ray & Sally
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